Fishbowler

I make art in strange places and blog about it.

Lost Beyond the End of the World

To say I feel lost would be pretty accurate. Are we all lost? Is this a mood or a state?

End of the World and I don’t feel so fine. The party never got big but that’s that. I met a few amazing people and strengthened friendships with some others. I’m grateful they came but feel that we let them down.

I have to get in line with what needs done now. What do I need to do right now? Is this where I need to be? Has my purpose changed? Are we partners? Do I have teammates? I feel silly to have imagined so wrongly.

I thought this party could be huge. I thought 6 months of focused energy would pay off.  I thought we’d make a bundle of money. I thought we’d save our town. I thought we could be heroes. I thought our hero status would be apparent by now, this, the week after our big party.

Sure, we had a good time and we sold a handful of Tshirts. Money tends to elude me. Is this a kind of money karma? Has someone been done wrong? Am I paying for past failures or oversights? Am I not seeing the big picture? Am I missing something? Am I wrong for writing about these feelings right now? Is there some wisdom to be found here? Will I rise to a new level?

For an entire year I’ve kept positive and focused on inspiration. I feel I have made a difference in the world.

Those disappointed with the outcome can share this sullen moment with me, after which, we can refuse to give up. We can refuse to quit. We can look within to understand this.

I took the past few days to let my heart heal. I got mystical; I got drunk. Today and yesterday I’ve taken a couple walks to focus on the land around us. I’ve made some astonishing discoveries and I’ve let my imagination go free.

These ridges and the plants have been talking to me. I’m stumbled upon ruins of men from long ago and materials left behind by past dreamers and visionaries. This place where Mark, Zak, Alison and I live is miraculous. The land has so much to tell us about ourselves. The land can quiet us and teach us. It can humble us.

On one hand I’d say we are nothing, but the other perspective is to see that we are everything and all of this is ours for the creating. We make this. We are the creators of all this.

I hope someone else has had the ground beneath their feet upset this weekend. I hope someone else relates to this shift of consciousness. I feel lost. Next week will be different.

Image

Burnt bus photo by “Sugar Skull”.

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13 responses to “Lost Beyond the End of the World

  1. freshveggiesinthedesert 08/23/2012 at 3:53 pm

    all those who wander are not lost … it’s not the end of the world

  2. Tyler 08/24/2012 at 12:14 am

    Cheer up big bro, to worry is natural, to dough, well one in the same. What we think should be, hasn’t now, and every force there is an opposite and equal reaction so, so what hasn’t happened should be eventually. We rarely ever know where to look thats why we looks so much, ask so many questions. So if you keep asking questions and I see you are, then shouldn’t we find things? If we keep pushing don’t we advance? I don’t think you should ever give up or quite art is what we are creativity imagination its there it holds the answers.

  3. Samantha Bonnell 08/24/2012 at 12:43 am

    I still wish I had been there in the flesh and I would not have been disappointed even if no one had showed up.

    • chadsorg 08/24/2012 at 3:05 am

      We’re regrouping.. just figuring out what’s next. Ya know Sam, I must admit, I still haven’t seen what came in the mail. I hope this is not too disappointing. I’ll get to check it tomorrow.
      We had fun though. Actually, the good news is that we’ve opened the flood gate. Zak & I live right at the gate to the car forest and now we’re seeing people every day coming to visit.
      I just don’t know what to do next.
      Build a UFO landing pad I guess.

      • Samantha Bonnell 08/27/2012 at 5:19 pm

        No, I am not disappointed. As I hope you have seen by now, you can have fun with it at any time you want. Take me on a tour of Goldfield, on a hike, or the Car Forest. Then keep me around for company because I am a good listener 😉 I realized after the fact that I forgot to send you funds for the return postage. Let me know when you need some.

  4. auto Fill 08/25/2012 at 6:15 am

    For u ❤

  5. Therese 08/25/2012 at 6:28 am

    I read it now too . Deep. This dude is deep. talk to him! Boom. That last paragraph. Someone else shaken the ground beneath the feet uopset. Thats me . Exactly me. I relate to it. You have no idea. Wish I could tell someone. Anyone. I cant.

  6. Therese 08/25/2012 at 4:03 pm

    Maybe the answer is within. Success is in love. Sucess is in True Friends and close relationships or chasing crowds, strangers, money, popularity and notoriety? Only u know. Look within.

  7. Karen Eliot 08/27/2012 at 10:18 pm

    By all means, look within. It is always called for.
    You should go into local politics! It’d be a wonderfully dada campaign. Truly what these times call for.

    • chadsorg 08/27/2012 at 10:58 pm

      Karen, you apparently don’t know, I’m already knee deep in local politics. I’m the President of the Goldfield Chamber of Commerce and what I’m bringing to the table is my own brand of notoriety. I love the Dada reference. I’d say that is EXACTLY what is happening right now.

      NadaDada stands on the back of the Dada movement and what that movement instilled was self-initiated action. More updates to come.

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